Suicide Prevention: Life in My Brown Robe

Blog by Shelly Beach

© 2017

Sunday, September 10^th marked World Suicide Prevention Day

While I never attempted suicide, I have struggled with depression and several periods of life when I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I’ve never written or spoken much about these battles, but perhaps my story can help someone gain perspective on their own depression.

I experienced a childhood sexual assault when I was around ten years old. I never told anyone what happened because of overwhelming fear and shame. I was in trauma therapy for weeks before I even remembered the experience. My most profound experience of abuse occurred when I was 19 and assaulted by a serial rapist. I experienced a number of symptoms of PTSD but did not receive counseling or treatment.

I was married within a year of my assault. Sex was awkward and triggering. Within six months of our wedding, I was pregnant. For the two years following the birth of our first child, I slowly became frozen. The slow onset of depression can be difficult to name when everything in life seems to be “fine”: a wonderful husband, a new baby, supportive family.

But my husband Dan and I call the years after our first child was born the years of “the brown robe.” I seldom dressed, unless it was necessary for me to leave the house. When I was home, I sat in a chair and stared at the television or wandered the house in a fog.

I didn’t have the words to identify depression. I didn’t know that the birth of a child could trigger depression after sexual abuse. I simply fell into deep guilt-driven depression over my lack of ability to be a “good” wife and mother.

Right about this time, Dan and I moved to a small farming community. He worked as a school administrator. I taught English. Community life was wonderful. Our friends were wonderful. We lived in a large country farmhouse with charm and character (and a few bats).

But I was deeply, deeply depressed. I was suffering from horrible migraines and had been put on new medications that I later learned could contribute to depression. But for hours at a time I fixated on how better off my family would be if I would be gone, that I was a failure as a mother and wife. I knew I was too cowardly to actually follow through, but I devised various plans for taking my life.

All this time, I never considered telling someone, asking for help, talking to my doctor. I simply saw myself as a failure. I didn’t understand that my depression was result of multiple untreated traumas, and what I was experiencing as common to many women.

I eventually went off my beta blocker medication, and my suicidal thoughts and depression faded. I began to study trauma and PTSD and understand what had happened. The shame and guilt lifted, and I found appropriate treatment.

Does this mean I never ever struggle with depression? No. My multiple sclerosis is also a contributor to depression, so I need to be pro-active.

So what can you do? I can tell you what helps me.

I monitor my self-talk. When it slips into negative thinking, I correct it with the truth–about who I really am.

I get out of the house. No matter how I may feel, I make time to see Christian friends who hold me accountable and speak life into me.

I listen to uplifting music. For me that’s a lot of Christian music, but it’s also beautiful music, fun music, and contemplative music.

I know my trauma triggers and manage my responses. For instance, I know that I can only manage a certain amount of grief regarding abuse. People naturally share their stories with me, but

I take anti-depressants when needed. This has actually been quite helpful since receiving my MS diagnosis. I don’t tolerate sunlight well and am susceptible to depression. A low dose of anti-depressant has contributed to my overall health.

I exercise. Moving elevates my mood and breaks the patterns of my circular thinking. And exercise always makes me feel productive and generates impetus for me to do the next proactive thing for the day.

Most importantly, I pray. I am a conqueror through the power of Jesus Christ, and I access the power of the Spirit through prayer and time in the Word of God.

What about you? Have you struggled with suicide and depression? What has given you hope?

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Online chat also available at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

 

Suicide and the Church: Shelly, Sue Foster, and Kay Warren on KFAX

This Tuesday, November 18th, I’ll be part of a discussion on Suicide and the Church: Hope for the Hopeless on KFAX San Francisco with counselor and authors Sue Foster and Kay Warren. Please join us at 5:00pm Pacific on Life!Line with host Craig Roberts. You can listen in HERE.

Kay Warren

Kay Warren, co-founder of Saddleback Church with her husband Rick, is an international speaker, best-selling author and Bible teacher who has a passion for inspiring and motivating others to make a difference with their lives.She is best known for her 10 years as a tireless advocate for those living with HIV and AIDS, and the orphaned and vulnerable children left behind. As an advocate, she has traveled to 19 countries, calling the faith community as well as the public and private sectors to respond with prevention, care, treatment and support of people living with the virus. She is the author of several books, including her newest, Choose Joy, Because Happiness Isn’t Enough (Revell, April 2012).

On November 22, Saddleback Church will co-sponsor Survivors of Suicide Loss and Suicide Prevention Day, beginning at 9am. The conference is also available online here. Click on the link to participate  and gain valuable resources about the warning signs of suicide, how to help someone with suicidal thoughts, and valuable resources. The link will go live on Saturday the 22nd, Pacific Time.

 

Sue Foster

Sue (Suzanne) Foster is co-author of Finding Your Way after the Suicide of Someone You Love, with David B. Biebel. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in grief counseling in southern California. Sue speaks at workshops, retreats, and conferences. She has worked with the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network, as well as with MusicfortheSoul.org, as well as organizations that work to end human trafficking.

 

 

 

 

 

Someone You Know Has PTSD–and Might Not Know It

“I just finished treatment for complex PTSD. Nobody understands trauma, so I rarely talk about it.”

The woman sitting next to me on our flight from Denver to Seattle was an accountant. Confident. Self-assured. Professional. And a recovering addict who’d struggled for years with symptoms PTSD stemming from early childhood medical procedures.

It had taken her years to recognize that childhood medical procedures were at the root of the long list of symptoms that had taken her life hostage.

 

Sadly, most people don’t understand the cause-and-effect between trauma and the symptoms of PTSD and seek treatment for the underlying cause.

The reality is that life is a series of traumas that the brain processes as either “Big T” or “little t” events, depending on a number of factors. Any event that is so threatening that it (1) overwhelms our brain, (2) triggers a reactive chemical wash that shuts down one side of the brain and causes us to “freeze” initiates the Instinctual Trauma Response (Big T trauma with potential resulting symptoms).

In the past few years, my colleague Wanda and I have met dozens of men and women suffering from PTSD who never realized before meeting us that trauma was the source of their various symptoms: hoarding, self-abuse, addiction, obsessive-compulsive disorder, hearing voices (one of the easiest symptoms to treat), eating disorders, depression, suicidal fixation, and other symptoms.

Many people who have PTSD don’t know that their symptoms aren’t the problem; trauma is the problem, and trauma can be successfully treated.

This week our book Love Letters from the Edge: Meditations for Those Struggling with Brokenness, Trauma, and the Pain of Life was released in bookstores and online. This book addresses the desperation and despair felt by those who suffer from PTSD. It gives a voice to those who often feel unfixable, hopeless, and isolated.

But more importantly, it offers hope. As women who have experienced PTSD, Wanda and I understand the desperation and the struggles. This is why it was critically important for us to write a book that honestly expressed the feelings of those dealing with PTSD, but also offered compassion, hope, and truth. This book also offers practical resources for family members and friends, as well as support communities, such as churches.

Someone you know has PTSD and may not even know it.

Learn what it feels like to walk in their shoes. Learn what you can do to help. And if you’re struggling, take the first step toward healing by telling a trusted friend or medical or mental health professional.

Crisis Hotlines

 

Love Letters from the Edge: God’s Message of Hope for the Hurting

According to the Sidran Institute, approximately 10% of women will develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) during their lifetime. These women feel isolated, guilty, trapped, and confused. And they suffer from a wide range of symptoms ranging from depression to addictions to self-abuse to suicidal thoughts.

I know because I’m one of them, even though I didn’t recognize the symptoms of PTSD for many years.

At the age of 19, I was attacked by a serial rapist. In my early forties, I suffered a walnut-sized brain lesion that nearly took my life. I also experienced accumulated grief as I cared for a mother with Alzheimer’s and a father-in-law with Parkinson’s in my home, as well as a number of close friends whom I lost to cancer.

But I didn’t begin to understand the devastation of untreated post-traumatic stress disorder until I walked the path of healing from CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) beside my best friend and co-author Wanda Sanchez. When I met Wanda in 2010 through a series of real-life miracles, she was clinging to life by a thread and had exhausted her ability to cope.

God answered Wanda’s single-word prayer for “Help!” when she went for successful trauma treatment after decades of ineffective counseling, rehab, and therapy. It was my privilege to be her companion for a journey of hope and healing. Today we invest our lives helping people better understand PTSD (PTSDPerspectives.org) and encouraging women about God’s relentless love and grace.

This week, Wanda and I will submit the final manuscript for our new book Love Letters from the Edge: Meditations for Those Struggling with Brokenness, Trauma, and the Pain of Life. The book is available now on Amazon and will release in June.

You or someone you know is struggling in the aftermath of abuse, betrayal, and trauma. They feel as if they are the one person beyond the reach of God’s grace. Love Letters from the Edge is a message of compassion and healing to the broken-hearted–whispers of hope from God’s heart to our own. This book of meditations expresses God’s relentless love for us. It offers weekend prayers, journaling questions, and weekend features. It also contains valuable resources about post-traumatic stress disorder, its related symptoms, and where you can find help.

You know someone who needs this book: the one in four women who have been sexually abused or experienced domestic violence, abandonment, or neglect. Caregivers who have been devastated by loss. Those who have been decimated by suicide. Women who have experienced the trauma of abortion, miscarriage, or the death of a child. Those who have suffered medical trauma.

In the shattered places of your life, what do you long to hear God say to you?

The Gift of Hope in the Chaos of Suicide

National Suicide Prevention Week began on Sunday and continues until Saturday; a week that surrounds World Suicide Prevention Day, held yesterday, September 10th.

For every person who completes a suicide, 20 or more may attempt to end their lives.Nearly 3000 people on average commit suicide daily, according to World Health Organization. About one million people die by suicide each year.

One of the goals for this week of awareness is to decrease the stigmatization regarding suicide.

Music for the Soul has created a unique, award-winning CD that sensitively captures the wide range of emotions experienced in loved ones in the aftermath of a suicide. Chaos of the Heart thoughtfully addresses the often-misrepresented issue of the afterlife for one who has taken their life.

Chaos of the Heart does not judge, but delicately offers the hope and assurance of a God who is big enough to handle our honesty when the pain feels unbearable.

I encourage you to consider this valuable resource for your church library, community library, or as a gift for grieving friends. It is a powerful took that can draw people toward healing.

Thank you ever so much for your wonderful contribution ‘Chaos of the Heart’. It is precious. For the first time in many, many years I am feeling hope once again. ~Anonymous, San Diego

Chaos of the Heart is available for download and comes with an accompanying discussion guide.

May you experience hope today, and perhaps offer a gift of hope to someone who needs just a glimmer.

New Trauma Blog Launched

This week several friends and I launched a new blog on the topic of trauma at http://ptsdtraumahopehealing.com/. Over the past two years, I’ve become increasingly interested in the topic of trauma, and I’ve been privileged to get to know some of the best trauma therapists in the world and see the results of their work in the lives of my closest friends.

And every day as I watch the news. read Facebook posts, talk to growing numbers of hurting friends and relatives, and listen to the sounds of emergency vehicles racing past my window, my sense of urgency grows.

An epidemic of untreated trauma has gripped our nation. We busy ourselves treating its symptoms–addictions, eating disorders, self-abusive behaviors, compulsions, etc. and entertain ourselves watching people on television struggle through the symptoms in endless cycles: Hoarders, Intervention, Biggest Loser, Celebrity Rehab, and numerous other shows.

But we seldom treat the root cause: trauma.

I invite you to join me and my friends (the Trauma Queens) and share your trauma story. Many of us have found hope and healing through effective treatments.

Some of us have walked through lifetimes of frustration seeking help for the wrong thing first in treatment centers and counseling that address peripheral issues. And many of us have been shamed for not “getting over” our trauma sooner and seeking treatment.

We’ve developed relationships with some of the nation’s top trauma experts. We’re making connections with organizations involved in human trafficking. Next week my associate and I will be speaking at a nationally-recognized agency that is launching an initiative for children who have been trafficked.

We invite you to become part of the community of hope on Facebook as well at PTSD Trauma Hope and Healing (https://www.facebook.com/PtsdTraumaHopeAndHealing).

If you know someone who’s experienced a crisis where their life was threatened or someone they loved was threatened and they struggle with symptoms of PTSD, please tell them there IS hope.

If you know someone whose baby underwent invasive medical procedures as an infant before 1986 and now struggles with symptoms of PTSD, please tell them about our blog. The medical community did not believe that babies experienced pain before the mid- to late 1980s and often did surgery on infants without painkillers or anesthesia. Many of those children today suffer with symptoms of PTSD and are unaware of its relationships to their childhood trauma and, more importantly, that effective treatment is available.

Few things are as exciting as seeing someone without hope find it again. Those who struggle in cycles of addiction, self-abuse, depression, suicidal thoughts, and other behaviors often live without hope.

The truth can set you free.