Self-Talk at the End of the Day

At the end of the dayIn recent days the world has been stunned by the deaths of popular American icons–Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, and Michael Jackson. No matter where my TV remote takes me, I hear the latest updates on Jackson’s death or see tributes to the lives of these people who were came to know in some dimensions through the medium of entertainment.

As my self-talk spins out at the end of the day, I relate to these deaths. It’s been just nine months since my family lost my mother, and we’re awaiting open-heart surgery on my father within the next few weeks. We all struggle with fears of losing those we love, of isolation, of rejection, of falling victim to the unfairness of life. Is life a series of cosmic coincidences? How do I live in a world where sorrow is as much a part of everyday existence as joy?

In the final days of my mother’s struggle with Alzheimer’s, she slipped into a coma. Knowing how she loved music and Scripture, I sang and quoted the Bible to her. When I’d stop, Mom would squeeze my hand, gently urging me to continue. I sang to her for hours–for days, always pausing at the end of each song or verse to feel the pressure of her hand on mine.

In the past year or so I’ve learned to wait for that same pressure of the Spirit of God in my heart as I read Scripture and pray and meditate throughout the day. Sometimes the Words of Scripture themselves flow into my heart with God’s reassuring voice. At times they stir me with reassurance or prompt me to move forward to act. But my self-talk has become a continual cycle of prayer as I commune with God throughout the day–chatting, confessing, asking God to show me how to love others through him. I’ve learned that self-talk is an avenue of intimacy with God as I link my fears, heartbreak, dreams, and desires, to his heartbeat for my life.

Sorrow is part of the broken world we live in. Thank God we have a Savior who faced the final curtain call on our behalf. One day we’ll all look him in the eye and know our flash of time on earth wasn’t for fame or fortune. The purpose that pulls us through this life  is to walk in the image of God and in the beauty of purpose he ordained for us: loving him with all our heart, soul, and strength, and loving others as ourselves.

This Is It.

5 thoughts on “Self-Talk at the End of the Day

  1. Very well written. Our life on earth is such a short period of time and you just never know when your time is up so it is important you do today what you are lead to do or say, you may never have that chance again.

  2. Thank you, Shelly, for sharing about your mother’s final days. That was beautiful. My mother went to Heaven very unexpectedly 10 years ago this past February 28th – her heart just stopped beating. She was a wonderful musician and she had played her violin at a nursing home in Florida the day before. I’m so glad that she was able to serve the Lord right up to the last minute. The loss was very hard on my dad and our family. Three years ago I started helping with GriefShare at Blythefield on Sunday nights. I have learned so much through it personally, and I have been been greatly blessed through helping others on their journey of loss. I plan to keep up with your blog from now on and also read your book on caregiving this summer. Thanks again. – Carol

    • Carol, GriefShare is such an important ministry, and your contribution is such a valuable investment in people’s lives. I hope to be part of this group in the future and look forward to learning from others who have experienced similar loss. Thank you for sharing a bit of your mom’s story.

  3. Shelly, i so understand what you are saying–When i finally started listening to what i was thinking and then took it directly to the Throne of Grace i learned what Paul said in 1st Thess. to pray without ceasing and found undescribable peace. Will be listening to Midday on the 7th and will be in prayer for your dad. Have already ordered The Silent Seduction and will also be getting the caregiver book (i am a RN but being in the profession in no way prepares one for caring for their own parents–lost my dad very suddenly at an early age and have come to believe that was actually God’s Grace hard at work on my behalf.) i love your blog and have it bookmarked–will be here to visit frequently.

    • Ann, I so appreciate your wise observations and comments. Thank you so much for sharing. Listening is that all-important first step.

      Thank you for sharing the love of Jesus through the nursing profession. Don’t know what we would have done without all the hands who extended care to our loved ones on our behalf.

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